Marriage Trouble ~ I Do Not Know You Part 2

Please read Marriage Trouble- I Do Not Know You Part 1 before starting to read Part 2

 God and Our Marriage View: God’s questions regarding the Israelites (the bride) may be a lot like my own questions to my husband.

Why can’t you follow through (keep your commitment)? Why have you dropped the ball (turned your heart away)? Why do you not engage (seeking my face, desiring emotional, spiritual intimacy)?

Only Jesus can answer the why! Take it to Jesus.

Do you have an intimate emotional relationship with the Lord?

Do a heart check. Have you truly surrendered your heart to Him, or are you just playing church on the surface, where life is comfortable for you?

 Have you asked Him to reveal your heart to you?

Possible Strongholds: fear, apathy, hypocrisy, trauma?

Our Marriage View: We, as a couple, determined that a marital separation would be best to allow us to truly recognize the core issues of our lack of emotional intimacy and communication.

But God… One day Lewis set off to town to run some errands, which gave him the time he needed to reflect. Interestingly, both he and I realized that he needed to make this trip alone, which we would discuss later when we came together post-trip.

This next part is Lewis writing in first person.

“I left to drive to Hudson, Colorado, to look at a travel trailer we were interested in. Upon leaving, I attempted to listen to scripture in my Bible app, which I normally do while driving. I developed this habit because we live in the country, and all our drive-time activities are long and make for a great time to absorb God’s word. What was different this time is that I could not get the app to work. It would play for a few seconds and then cut off. This happened repeatedly until I gave up on the app and decided to drive in silence. That quiet, I came to understand, was necessary so that I could hear God clearly without distraction. As I traveled, I had multiple conversations with the Lord, principally about the struggles in our marriage. I did that all the way to Hudson. It was on the return trip (the Bible app still would not work) that God truly began to work something in me. I experienced an agitation that I can only describe as unique and profound in its intensity. It was so visceral that I got hot (like a woman having a hot flash hot) and began to talk to God out loud, asking him what this was I was feeling. What I felt then was something being purged in me (stronghold, unclean spirit?). I didn’t know what it was or even understand, but that was because I wasn’t capable. When I started to question the Lord, I heard an emphatic “BE QUIET!” in my spirit. What that means in my personal faith walk is for me to be still and let whatever God is seeking to teach me sit with me until He gives me understanding. Obediently, I tried to kick Lewis out of the way, be patient, and wait. It wasn’t long before He impressed upon me what was happening. God revealed that ‘hidden fear’ existed in me and that my upbringing and past experiences were the reasons I had built such ramparts around my emotions. In my own reasoning, I immediately questioned the idea that I was fearful.  I tried to justify that it was a lack of fear in me that allowed me to function in this harsh world. I reasoned with God that I worked, persevered, plotted, and accomplished because I refused to allow doubt/fear to restrict me. This dialogue in my spirit continued until I got home and discussed my experience with my wife, who, to her emotive, spiritually sensitive credit, understood that something was being awakened in me.

However, because I am someone with little understanding of my deeper emotions at times (which God swiftly pointed out with the same abrupt action) I was given a glaring example that my childlike emotive self would understand.

God brought to my remembrance the previous evening when I went to our basement to stretch. I had been negligent about this for several days, and, of course, I felt it all. I was stiff and sore in places I didn’t even know about until I got in the floor. The Lord used that analogy with me because I have always been an athlete and He knew I would get it instantly. What was present in my body was hidden away, unseen, and silent until I acknowledged it and was intentional about working through it.

Our Marriage View: Fear, hidden or otherwise, creates a barrier that prevents us from being whole or from giving ourselves fully in a relationship. In essence, we believe the lie(s) that keep us bound or separated from God and one another. Precisely what was happening with me (Lewis) in our marriage. I functioned a certain way without being cognizant of my emotional stagnation. My lack of emotional competency prevented me from connecting with and nurturing my wife’s emotional needs. Starving her and my children of true emotional connection with me.

God's View: Jesus gave everything to set us free from these lies and strongholds we build altars to. He laid his life down to redeem and restore us to the Father.

We protect the lies we believe about ourselves and others by justification. We justify by creating a narrative we tell ourselves to fit the lie. The narrative is the wall we build to guard the lie we believe about ourselves and others. We are not set free until we know the truth.

(The Lie, Justify, Narrative (Wall), Repeat… The Lie, Justify, Narrative (Wall), Repeat)

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.  John 8:31-32 KJV

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, '

Ephesians 5:25-26 KJV

Ephesians 5:25-26 Instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it. If I, the wife, am a type and shadow of the church, then my husband, my man, should give himself up for me, not part, not some, not only what he thinks, but ALL, which means die to self. Self-preservation, self-protection, protecting his heart and emotions.

Jesus gave to all of us (the bride), all of Himself, unto death. Why? …

'to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.' Ephesians 5:26-33 NIV

A Wife’s View: My husband is to present me to himself as a radiant bride, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless…loving me as his own body, feeding, and caring for me as his own body. If this is so, protecting me and guarding me as he would his own heart. And there's one thing I must do: respect my husband.

Respect: honor, reverence, hold someone in high esteem. active admiration (Ep 5:33)

Submit: to voluntarily place oneself under the loving leadership and order of another (1Peter 3:1)

 A Heart Posture:  Take everything to God.  Seek His face regarding all things.  Allow Him to reveal in you the visible and hidden sins and lies of the heart so that you may have victory over His enemy, and the lies that we believe about ourselves and others.

'Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me. ' Psalm 51:10 .KJV

'The LORD is my strength and song, And he is become my salvation: He is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; My father's God, and I will exalt him. ' Exodus 15:2 KJV

'I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me. ' Philippians 4:13 KJV

Song by Acappella

Create in me a clean heart, oh God

Let me be like you in all my ways

Give me your strength, teach me your song

Shelter me in the shadow of your wings

For we are your righteousness

If we die to ourselves and live through your death

Then we shall be born again to be blessed in your love!

Also see more of what the Lord taught us: "Aspire to the Knowledge of God for a Victorious Life", and "The Writing on the Wall"

Take everything to the Lord for confirmation and more insight. Prayers and Blessings